Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
