is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize