I didn't shave. On purpose
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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