Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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