I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize