I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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