They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize