tell your sister to shave her snatch
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
