it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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