the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
