i wish my penis had a tongue
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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