Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
