just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
