im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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