I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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