It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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