hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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