there's paper in my vomit.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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