Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
