I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
