This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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