Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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