there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
