i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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