so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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