the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
