I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
