im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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