Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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