She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
