I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
