dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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