You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
