It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
