I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
