she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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