There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
