That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
