I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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