I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
