I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize