I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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