Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
