Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
