erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we're so committed to being not committed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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