i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
