Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize