Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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