Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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