i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
