you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
