Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
