He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
