As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
