Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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