It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
