Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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