so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
