You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
