I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
