I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
