"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He did a backflip because drugs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
