Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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