i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
