we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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