i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
