There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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